Here’s me – full of free advice

Back when I worked in feature development, one of my unwritten job functions was to get free work out of writers. We made independent films – which, you may have heard, there isn’t a lot of money in at any end. So, my ability to finagle free options and free re-writes was how we kept a slate of films alive. I was good at it because other writers could see I spoke their language, and because the company I worked for put in the time and effort to show them the quality of our track record and professional relationships. Since they usually weren’t seeing money up front, we had to give them faith that the movie had a better chance of being made – and a chance of being made better – with us.

I just finished what you might call an unsuccessful negotiation with a budding producer. He liked a script of mine and wanted it to wave around in an upcoming meeting with some independent investors. It’s a script that’s better suited to be made outside the studio system, and I’ve been looking for independent investors for it anyway. But when it came to reasons why I should do such-and-such for him for free, he did pretty much the opposite of what you ought to do.

Here’s the thing – if you are going to treat a writer like they just got off the bus, and you have their full name, it is wise to Google them, on the off-chance that they have not just got off the bus. In fact – you might want to re-think doing that at all.

Also, a writer who has not just got off the bus will know that having a meeting coming up with people who have money is not the same thing as having money. Being the former, and carrying yourself with a sense of entitlement equivalent to the latter, will work out about as well as Dirk Diggler’s recording career.

Finally – if you are going to demand the immediate ouster of an attached director so you can direct yourself; providing some evidence that you know how to direct (beyond insisting you are good at it in an e-mail) helps shore up your image of professionalism.

Forgive the late-night sarcasm; trying unsuccessfully to get this conversation onto a keel of mutual respect made me miss a big chunk of Monday Night Football.